Sorry: Life Got in the Way

​WOW. Life has been crazy! I apologize for my lack in posts. To be frank, I haven’t had the time or motivation to post anything. However, for the few that read this, I apologize for reeling you in just to abruptly stop.

So let me see if I can find something even remotely inspirational or enlightening at all…

I am currently enrolled in a community college and am taking a “refresher” introduction to psychology course – as I am looking to change fields and pursuing my second passion: psychology. It has been a blast so far. It’s definitely difficult maintaining that work-school-life balance, which obviously you can tell hasn’t been the smoothest transition for me. Not to mention that somewhere shortly after I began this blog, I switched to working the third shift (or the “graveyard shift” as some people like to call it).

I suppose I could center this post around Thanksgiving and upcoming Christmas celebrations.

Let’s see… Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. It’s not only a time to truly reflect and count your blessings, but also a time to be with those you love (while stuffing your face with delicious food). I’ve always loved Thanksgiving because as being a survivor of suicide, I think it humbles you. I mean, I can’t speak for all suicide survivors, but there’s nothing better than being surrounded by people you love and the reminder that you are loved. Last year was my first Thanksgiving away from my family and it was extremely difficult as I am super close with my family. This year was even more difficult as my brother is going through a nasty divorce and this is his first holiday without his soon-to-be ex-wife. He’s on the east coast, so with me being on the west coast, it’s extremely rare to see him face-to-face. I spend Thanksgiving with my boyfriend’s “family” (I put family in quotation marks because they aren’t his biological family – they’re his best friend’s family that he grew up with). While it’s nice spending time with him and his family (and don’t misconstrue this as ungrateful or selfish by any means, as I wouldn’t trade it for anything), it’s just not the same. In exchange, we spend Christmas with my family. I did it that way because I’m from the Midwest and my hometown almost always has a White Christmas (yeah, it’s definitely weird being on the west coast with palm trees and sand, and no snow in December through March!). I think it works out. But I guess my point is that spending Thanksgiving away from my family might be incredibly difficult for me, but it just makes me that much more humbled to still have them in my life. Being away makes me love them deeper and makes Christmas so much more bittersweet.

I’m not going to lie, I’m excited for Christmas because I’m hoping for a special gift from my boyfriend this year. I mean, I’m not trying to put any expectations on it, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t getting impatient (not that there’s really ever a time when I’m not impatient). I know good things come in due time, but it feels long overdue. Regardless if this special gift comes or not, I’m truly excited just to be reunited with my family. I miss them so much. Living on the west coast sucks. It might be sad to say/admit, but the only reason I’m staying on the west side is because of my boyfriend. I’ve made it blatantly clear that I do not want to settle down here.

I feel like I’m not getting anywhere with this post. If you’re still reading, thanks for sticking with me! Hopefully you’ve found something inspiring or enlightening in this post…if not, well… I’m sorry.

Oh! I went on a hike recently with a member of the Church. She’s great. I’m truly glad I met her despite my absence at Church every weekend. If you don’t know already, I’m not baptized yet. I’m taking the long, beautiful journey to baptism. Anyway, this woman reached out to me and asked if I wanted to get together to chat. She wanted to do something outdoorsy. So I said sure! We ended up going to a nearby, small mountain and climbed to the top where we found nice big rocks to sit on (although, they weren’t actually that nice to sit on…) while we chatted. We talked about marriage, politics, addiction, growing up in the Church vs. converts, etc. It was a very intense conversation, but I think we both found a lot of answers in each other. She kept telling me about how she loved my frankness and genuinely innocent curiosity for answers. She said I was a “breath of fresh air,” and honestly, she is too. She’s just the nicest, understanding, patient and humorous friend I’ve made so far. I have to add, I’ve been here for about four years now, and she’s honestly the first person I would call my “friend” and by “friend” I mean someone whom I didn’t meet through my boyfriend (yes, those are “friends” but they’re not mine, if that makes sense?). Not that that’s important.


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