I’ve found myself struggling for the past couple of months with most of the stresses revolving around financial instability that me and my significant other have been experiencing. It just seems like one thing after another. One night, I found myself extremely frustrated and uncertain as to how I could fix the situation. I did the only thing I could think of: ask for God’s guidance.
In my prayer, I specifically asked if He would send me someone, a physical person that could push me and remind me that these hardships are happening for a greater reason that I will soon understand. The next night, I was watching TV after a long day at work. There was a knock at my door. I was home alone and wasn’t expecting anyone, so I was a little wary of answering it. I eventually decided to answer the door and there was Elder Brewer and another elder (that I had previously met once whose name is escaping me at the moment). I’m not sure if they received the message from God, or if they just coincidentally decided to check up on me – although, ever since I’ve begun partaking in the LDS community, I’ve noticed that I don’t really believe that anything is coincidence anymore.
“We just wanted to stop by and check in with you,” Elder Brewer told me. “We haven’t seen you in a while and we just wanted to see how things were going.” I told him how I had been struggling, but that I had been wanting to go back to church. Things had been so chaotic and I just wanted a sense of calm, and I felt that at church, listening to other people’s stories and lessons, and singing hymns and conversing with such a happy, optimistic group of people helped me find that calm. I craved that. But I also felt very… “impure” for lack of better word…I had felt that I had transgressed in a way that made me feel that if I went to church, I would feel unwelcomed, that these transgressions would follow me like a dark cloud. I know that I’m being a little dramatic, but I’ve just felt so guilty lately. About being mad and frustrated. About thinking abominable things about certain people and situations. About why I keep reverting to my old habits. I wanted to change, and I knew (and still do know) that the only way to find that forgiveness was to repent and return to church.
The elders wanted to meet again – since I was home alone and I knew that wasn’t allowed. I told them that I’d try to meet with them before I moved, but I couldn’t make any promises – the only thing I promised was that I’d try to make it back to church (which I have thus done).
After they left, I prayed again. Not for a favor. Not for guidance. Simply to thank God for answering that prayer – for sending one of His many great teachers and worshippers of the gospel.